Monday, August 30, 2010
just another day...
I sit here staring around the room looking for inspiration having a desire to write something. I think about my day and nothing remotely interesting happened, no fresh revelation, no hurt to report....nothing. Then my eyes land on all of our cards from our wedding and the gnawing guilt of unfinished thank you cards creep in. My excuse for not doing them the first month was...it our first month of marriage, we have a 2nd reception to plan, we have a vacation to go on. My excuse the second month was: I left my bride book at my parents house two states away which has all of my addresses in it. My excuse the third month: it was a hard month with new adjustments, summer ending, school starting for Michael, busy time at work for me. My excuse now? I'll think of something...don't worry!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Day One
It is rather intimating to start day one. What is it that I want to write, that I desire my words to reflect...and will anyone care to read what I have to say?
The last three months I have spent learning how to become a wife. Learning how to be honoring, how to respect Michael. It has been a harder journey than I expected. I was told that it would be different, that there will be adjustments, there will be compromises and you will learn to let go of your singleness. What we were not told was, it would be hard and some what painful. Do not get me wrong, the past three months of marriage have been wonderful, I love my husband, I love the life the Lord has given me and I would not trade it for anything. I suppose you could say Michael and myself brought on the hard times...why? We actually prayed for them. We wanted to have a hard first year not so we could suffer but so one, we would grow and learn and we wouldn't forever be comparing the rest of our marriage with the first year. "Remember our first year when..." "If only we could relive the first year..." I have also learned through years of hardship that even though in the mist of the pain, the tears, the fighting, I never believed any good would come out of it...but once the light shines through the clouds I don't look at the pain, I look at how far I have come. So our hope is to fight through these hard times because we will be stronger on the other side.
Laughter has become one of our favorite fighting tactics. What better way to fight darkness and lies than to laugh in their faces. A few nights ago I bought us a frozen pizza for dinner so we could eat quickly and get to Lifegroup on time. I get home, decline Michael's offer to take care of the pizza, turn the over to bake, put in the pizza, set the timer and left to take a shower. When I stepped out of the bathroom the pizza did not have that wonderful smell only pizza can have but rather a burning smell. I simply thought, "Stupid oven over coooking our food again!" and asked Michael to check the pizza. I then remembered that I had made cinnamon toast for breakfast and had turned the temperature knob to broil but in the mist of my hurriedness had carelessly forgotten to change the temperature for the pizza....the result? Blackened "pizza food". The lies that started pouring over me were those of how bad a wife I was, I didn't know how to care for my husband, I waste our money, I am stupid...etc. As Michael is comforting me and speaking truth, the timer goes off, and what does he say, "Hey babe, the pizza's done..." He started laughing at the ridiculousness of his statement. For me however, it wasn't until we came home later that night and I took the pizza out of the oven and saw the remains of what once was a pepperoni pizza did I see the humor. We laughed...I mean how could you not?
I am not only a new wife learning to be a wife but I am first a daughter of the Most High King learning how to be a servant. This is a job, as being a wife, where the learning will cease to come to an end. There will always be lessons to be learned, wisdom to be heard, strength to be had. I dsire to hear Him, to see His words form in my head so that I can write them down on paper. His words are far sweeter and far more eloquent than any that i could ever have to say. Lets be honest if you had a choice to to listen to a Mighty King speak or me...who would you rather listen to? As much as I want words that I write to be read, and to be heard...I would rather His words be the ones that people waited with bated breath to hear and read.
As I sit here with my eyes closed and my fingers moving on the keys I am blown away by how acqurite my fingers can be. Its only when I open my eyes and use my own vision and my own power do I misspell words, forget puncuation, lose steam on what I am trying to say. Its like Jesus. He desires to be the one who is leading, who sees every step of the way, who desires us to close our eyes and allow him to bring us to the safe place, bring us to the battle, to bring us to the mountain top, to bring us to the bottom of the valley. Its when we choose to take over that fear creeps in...we see the dangers even in the safe places, we see the impossiblity of the battle, we feel the hard climb of to the mountain top, we see the daunting task of being at the bottom of the valley. But if we allow Him to guide ...what is there to fear?
The last three months I have spent learning how to become a wife. Learning how to be honoring, how to respect Michael. It has been a harder journey than I expected. I was told that it would be different, that there will be adjustments, there will be compromises and you will learn to let go of your singleness. What we were not told was, it would be hard and some what painful. Do not get me wrong, the past three months of marriage have been wonderful, I love my husband, I love the life the Lord has given me and I would not trade it for anything. I suppose you could say Michael and myself brought on the hard times...why? We actually prayed for them. We wanted to have a hard first year not so we could suffer but so one, we would grow and learn and we wouldn't forever be comparing the rest of our marriage with the first year. "Remember our first year when..." "If only we could relive the first year..." I have also learned through years of hardship that even though in the mist of the pain, the tears, the fighting, I never believed any good would come out of it...but once the light shines through the clouds I don't look at the pain, I look at how far I have come. So our hope is to fight through these hard times because we will be stronger on the other side.
Laughter has become one of our favorite fighting tactics. What better way to fight darkness and lies than to laugh in their faces. A few nights ago I bought us a frozen pizza for dinner so we could eat quickly and get to Lifegroup on time. I get home, decline Michael's offer to take care of the pizza, turn the over to bake, put in the pizza, set the timer and left to take a shower. When I stepped out of the bathroom the pizza did not have that wonderful smell only pizza can have but rather a burning smell. I simply thought, "Stupid oven over coooking our food again!" and asked Michael to check the pizza. I then remembered that I had made cinnamon toast for breakfast and had turned the temperature knob to broil but in the mist of my hurriedness had carelessly forgotten to change the temperature for the pizza....the result? Blackened "pizza food". The lies that started pouring over me were those of how bad a wife I was, I didn't know how to care for my husband, I waste our money, I am stupid...etc. As Michael is comforting me and speaking truth, the timer goes off, and what does he say, "Hey babe, the pizza's done..." He started laughing at the ridiculousness of his statement. For me however, it wasn't until we came home later that night and I took the pizza out of the oven and saw the remains of what once was a pepperoni pizza did I see the humor. We laughed...I mean how could you not?
I am not only a new wife learning to be a wife but I am first a daughter of the Most High King learning how to be a servant. This is a job, as being a wife, where the learning will cease to come to an end. There will always be lessons to be learned, wisdom to be heard, strength to be had. I dsire to hear Him, to see His words form in my head so that I can write them down on paper. His words are far sweeter and far more eloquent than any that i could ever have to say. Lets be honest if you had a choice to to listen to a Mighty King speak or me...who would you rather listen to? As much as I want words that I write to be read, and to be heard...I would rather His words be the ones that people waited with bated breath to hear and read.
As I sit here with my eyes closed and my fingers moving on the keys I am blown away by how acqurite my fingers can be. Its only when I open my eyes and use my own vision and my own power do I misspell words, forget puncuation, lose steam on what I am trying to say. Its like Jesus. He desires to be the one who is leading, who sees every step of the way, who desires us to close our eyes and allow him to bring us to the safe place, bring us to the battle, to bring us to the mountain top, to bring us to the bottom of the valley. Its when we choose to take over that fear creeps in...we see the dangers even in the safe places, we see the impossiblity of the battle, we feel the hard climb of to the mountain top, we see the daunting task of being at the bottom of the valley. But if we allow Him to guide ...what is there to fear?
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