The alarm goes off at the same 6:45 a.m. time every morning. And every morning at 7:05 a.m. we get up. The showering and getting dressed is the same routine and even for me its the same clothing. Breakfast is made and consumed, lunches are packed, teeth are brushed, lips are kissed and goodbyes are said. The next eight hours go by just about the same...asking the same one line over and over again. Picking up merchandise off the floor, putting it back where it belongs, answering phone calls in the same way. Break happens, lunch happens, break happens...some talking with friendly co-workers. Getting frustrated over the same things...when will I just get over things? I try to have joy, I try and not give into gossip. The only change is I feel myself getting mean, and that's not me. Its just hard to not become a stone in this place...but mean is not who I want to become. Go home to do the same things, fix dinner, watch tv online.... Maybe I should read, maybe I should do something!
I don't want to become one of those people who complains about life and the boringness of it...because lets face it, every moment can't be spent at Disney World, getting married, having a new baby, seeing family, Christmas and Birthday's. Most days are well the day I just had with nothing really worth writing or talking about but I still want to share. I do have a pretty sweet life if I really think about it. I mean I have a nice home which is mine, great friends and an amazing husband who looks at me everyday like he is seeing me for the first time. And there really isn't anything boring about that is there?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
John 15
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this; Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."
For the past twelve days I have read this chapter everyday and everyday a new portion is highlighted. Today as I read that Jesus calls me friend, I started crying. Friendship has always been important to me. It is not something I take lightly. I hold dear those that I call friends and I cherish those that call me friend. It is a comfort to know, in the mist of friendship lost Jesus reminds me that I am His friend, that He chose me to be His friend. I think that is the hope of everyone's heart--to be chosen by someone to be their friend. As I read that portion tonight I felt like a little kid standing in the big group as two really cool kids choose teams. I am the kid that usually gets picked last but today, the coolest of the coolest kids just called my name first!!! I am his friend! I get to play on His team!!! And no matter what has happened today, or yesterday or last week, even though all of the other times I was picked last...Today trumps all else! Jesus calls me friend! and not only that, HE chose me! AND, His joy is in me so my joy may be complete. Now, I don't know about you but that's a good day. :)
To my friends, you know who you are :) I love you and I cherish you. Oh and one more thing...I am your friend!
For the past twelve days I have read this chapter everyday and everyday a new portion is highlighted. Today as I read that Jesus calls me friend, I started crying. Friendship has always been important to me. It is not something I take lightly. I hold dear those that I call friends and I cherish those that call me friend. It is a comfort to know, in the mist of friendship lost Jesus reminds me that I am His friend, that He chose me to be His friend. I think that is the hope of everyone's heart--to be chosen by someone to be their friend. As I read that portion tonight I felt like a little kid standing in the big group as two really cool kids choose teams. I am the kid that usually gets picked last but today, the coolest of the coolest kids just called my name first!!! I am his friend! I get to play on His team!!! And no matter what has happened today, or yesterday or last week, even though all of the other times I was picked last...Today trumps all else! Jesus calls me friend! and not only that, HE chose me! AND, His joy is in me so my joy may be complete. Now, I don't know about you but that's a good day. :)
To my friends, you know who you are :) I love you and I cherish you. Oh and one more thing...I am your friend!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
the story continues
Here is the next "installment" of my story...enjoy!
My story isn’t worth reading because I am simply the most fabulous writer. The truth is I’m not and my story may very well not be worth reading but I want to share it so I can share something even more than my simple words. I want to share the story of a friend of mine and how He shaped my heart and brought me through me journey--His name is Jesus. I have spent many nights crying on His shoulder, asking Him to ease my pain. Through the years I have made mistakes and walked away from Him. Every time I know He cried as He watched me turn the corner and every time He dried my tears when I came running back to Him. He is the one who pressed on my heart, He showed me that my hurts, my scars were there for me to use. That every pain wasn’t experienced in vain, but He would use them for His glory. I just didn’t know what that meant at the time. I simply held on to the hope that maybe the mistakes I made would bring good.
The events of that night would be just as meaningless as the night of Alex’s birthday had I not gotten a text from Shawn the next day that made me smile and feel as if I truly was someone special. I cannot recall the exact words of the text, but I can for some reason remember exactly where I was, how I was sitting, that it was sunny outside and that I was not expecting to hear from him. My phone rang letting me know that I had a text and on the screen there was Shawn’s name. Any girl who has gotten that call or email or text message or letter or some form of communication from the guy she really likes knows exactly how I felt in that moment. In the moments right after that text and even days after, my heart was full, I had a smile on my face that would not go away and butterflies that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in my stomach.
The next month and half is a blur of happy memories. I remember never feeling as cared for and loved as I did when I was with Shawn. Our first kiss was one of well…to be completely cliché, of magic. Like most magic tricks, I can’t tell you the details, can’t reveal how it happened. I honestly cannot remember what was going on in my head the moment before, what we were talking about, or what we had been doing. I am fairly certain we were sitting on the couch in my living room and Shawn had biked over that night to see me. I remember times of sitting on his front porch, I remember taking walks with him. I remember Shawn’s strength, the way he ran on his toes, the way he climbed a ladder and I remember his eyes. Those eyes that were not green and not brown but somehow both. A circle of green that flowed into a circle of brown. Those eyes who pierced my heart from the first moment of our journey. Those eyes who held me captive. Two weeks into our relationship we shared those three words with one another. I always laughed at those movies where two people meet in the beginning of the movie and a few days later say, “I love you!” but in that moment of my life…I knew what it was to fall in love so quickly.
I know there are skeptics out there--people who believe that Love takes time, it must “slow roast” so to speak. But there are times that Love is thrown into a “pressure cooker” and what does blossom is true. Some would say its infatuation not love that forms, but what I have become a firm believer on is no one can judge another’s heart. What may be true for one is not true for another. Some create a huge mess when using a pressure cooker while others end up burning whatever they are slow roasting. You can control your heart, you do have power over emotions, you do have say in what it does and says but I have come to the conclusion that I would much rather not have control in my hands but someone has to fly the plane. During the time of Shawn my heart wasn’t being piloted at all. It was out of control and in the beginning it was thrilling but logic shows that eventually it has to crash.
My story isn’t worth reading because I am simply the most fabulous writer. The truth is I’m not and my story may very well not be worth reading but I want to share it so I can share something even more than my simple words. I want to share the story of a friend of mine and how He shaped my heart and brought me through me journey--His name is Jesus. I have spent many nights crying on His shoulder, asking Him to ease my pain. Through the years I have made mistakes and walked away from Him. Every time I know He cried as He watched me turn the corner and every time He dried my tears when I came running back to Him. He is the one who pressed on my heart, He showed me that my hurts, my scars were there for me to use. That every pain wasn’t experienced in vain, but He would use them for His glory. I just didn’t know what that meant at the time. I simply held on to the hope that maybe the mistakes I made would bring good.
The events of that night would be just as meaningless as the night of Alex’s birthday had I not gotten a text from Shawn the next day that made me smile and feel as if I truly was someone special. I cannot recall the exact words of the text, but I can for some reason remember exactly where I was, how I was sitting, that it was sunny outside and that I was not expecting to hear from him. My phone rang letting me know that I had a text and on the screen there was Shawn’s name. Any girl who has gotten that call or email or text message or letter or some form of communication from the guy she really likes knows exactly how I felt in that moment. In the moments right after that text and even days after, my heart was full, I had a smile on my face that would not go away and butterflies that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in my stomach.
The next month and half is a blur of happy memories. I remember never feeling as cared for and loved as I did when I was with Shawn. Our first kiss was one of well…to be completely cliché, of magic. Like most magic tricks, I can’t tell you the details, can’t reveal how it happened. I honestly cannot remember what was going on in my head the moment before, what we were talking about, or what we had been doing. I am fairly certain we were sitting on the couch in my living room and Shawn had biked over that night to see me. I remember times of sitting on his front porch, I remember taking walks with him. I remember Shawn’s strength, the way he ran on his toes, the way he climbed a ladder and I remember his eyes. Those eyes that were not green and not brown but somehow both. A circle of green that flowed into a circle of brown. Those eyes who pierced my heart from the first moment of our journey. Those eyes who held me captive. Two weeks into our relationship we shared those three words with one another. I always laughed at those movies where two people meet in the beginning of the movie and a few days later say, “I love you!” but in that moment of my life…I knew what it was to fall in love so quickly.
I know there are skeptics out there--people who believe that Love takes time, it must “slow roast” so to speak. But there are times that Love is thrown into a “pressure cooker” and what does blossom is true. Some would say its infatuation not love that forms, but what I have become a firm believer on is no one can judge another’s heart. What may be true for one is not true for another. Some create a huge mess when using a pressure cooker while others end up burning whatever they are slow roasting. You can control your heart, you do have power over emotions, you do have say in what it does and says but I have come to the conclusion that I would much rather not have control in my hands but someone has to fly the plane. During the time of Shawn my heart wasn’t being piloted at all. It was out of control and in the beginning it was thrilling but logic shows that eventually it has to crash.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)