"Writing is nothing more than a guided dream." Jorge Luis Borges.
This is a quote on a postcard that was in my Moleskine journal I received a few years ago. I don't know how I feel about it. Maybe he is saying that to be a writer, to write something beautiful is not about the syntax, the sentence structure, the grammar, the wording or character development. Writing is not about those things, but about having a dream and following it. If that is truly what he is saying, than yes, I believe it. I allowed fear of not knowing enough about the English language and the correct way of forming a paragraph keep me from following the deepest desire of my heart. I went in every possible direction in order to keep from taking that trail, because I knew it would be scary and hard.
Remember that scene in "Beauty and the Beast" where Belle's father is traveling and he comes to two paths. One is sunny, with sweet sounds of birds chirping, the other is dark and fog hiding anything lurking to attack. His horse's choice was the sunny path but he does not listen and follows the other path. I don't know how many times I sat watching that movie and said, "No don't go that way!!" But what would have happened if the father had taken the sunny path? He would have made it to his destination and back safely but Belle, she would have never met the Beast and found a new world. I like the horse, want to take the obvious and safe path; and for 20 odd years of my life I continued to follow them.
When I was 11 years old my family got our first computer for Christmas. I remember getting up on Saturday mornings, before my family awoke and I would fire up this machine. The anticipation growing inside of me, until finally the home screen shone bright and i opened up my word document. Before I even knew how to type I began hunting down the letters and pounded out my first attempt at a novel. The story of course was a love story. My main character's name--Realene, who went by Rea. I couldn't tell you much more about this wonderful story. What I do remember is the feeling this story brought me every time I opened it up. As a young child I had no fear holding me back from following my dreams. I wanted to be a writer and the first woman on Mars. When did I become the one who chose the safe path?
Years later found me at the "Women of Faith" Conference. I was 24, broken and desiring nothing more than to be Free. I remember crying out to the Lord to deliverer me from the sin I had committed over the past few years, to heal me and to bring freedom to my heart. I had spent so much time just wondering around without truly seeking guidance, grasping at the path I thought looked like the right one. I sat in the midst of 1000's of women but I felt alone and desperate. One of the speakers was sharing her story and her journey with the Lord and then she said something that started my journey of healing. She said, "It is not what you have done that defines you but WHOSE you are that defines you." Tears fell down my face and I cried out to God for freedom and healing to believe those words. On the last day of the conference, during worship, I remember sitting down and I hearing the Lord speak clearly these words, "That will be you some day. You have a story to tell and I want you to tell it."
I spent several days and weeks meditating on what exactly God meant by those words. I landed on this, that what He was saying was, like the ladies on the "Women of Faith" tour, I too would share my story with other women and help bring healing and freedom to the brokenness of the this world. God showed me how He desired to redeem my past, and how He intends to use my mistakes, my brokenness and finally my ultimate healing to do the same thing for other women. God brought back the old dream of a 11 year old girl sitting at her family's computer of one day being an author; of having other people read my words and feel inspiration.
Fast forward 5 years, and you find me at another women's conference wondering about dreams, about promises and purpose. And I hear these words, "God does not put an expiration date on His promises." And those words God spoke so many years before came flooding back. I realized for the good part of the last few years I spent in fear and believing that God had forgotten about me and my dreams. I believed that I could not be a speaker because I had nothing to speak about and no one who wanted to hear my words. I believed I could not write because so many of the people surrounding me had far more talent than I could ever dream to possess. I spent 4 years writing my story down and only have 10 pages to show for it. I barely remembered those words and I believed God didn't remember them either. But, I was so wrong.
About 4 months ago, a great friend sent me an idea to embark on a crazy journey. She didn't know that a simple email on her part would help bring my passions closer to igniting my purpose. November 1st, 2012, I started writing a fiction novel, with the goal that on November 30th I would have at least 50,000 words written. I spent a glorious month pounding out 1000's of words a day, bringing new characters to life, crying with them, laughing with them and cheering them on. I spent one month living my dream. I realized something very important in November and it has nothing to do with grammar, syntax, sentence structure or character development. I realized that living a life doing what you were created to do brings the greatest joy ever imaginable. It didn't matter that everyday I still woke up working at a retail place, a place that only a month ago made me angry to even look upon my red and khaki clothing. It didn't matter because I knew that in 8 short hours I would be once again sitting at my computer, with fingers flying, music blaring in my ears, doing what God created me to do and be.
So maybe writing is nothing more than a guided dream but may its more. Maybe its also about living in that guided dream.
This is a quote on a postcard that was in my Moleskine journal I received a few years ago. I don't know how I feel about it. Maybe he is saying that to be a writer, to write something beautiful is not about the syntax, the sentence structure, the grammar, the wording or character development. Writing is not about those things, but about having a dream and following it. If that is truly what he is saying, than yes, I believe it. I allowed fear of not knowing enough about the English language and the correct way of forming a paragraph keep me from following the deepest desire of my heart. I went in every possible direction in order to keep from taking that trail, because I knew it would be scary and hard.
Remember that scene in "Beauty and the Beast" where Belle's father is traveling and he comes to two paths. One is sunny, with sweet sounds of birds chirping, the other is dark and fog hiding anything lurking to attack. His horse's choice was the sunny path but he does not listen and follows the other path. I don't know how many times I sat watching that movie and said, "No don't go that way!!" But what would have happened if the father had taken the sunny path? He would have made it to his destination and back safely but Belle, she would have never met the Beast and found a new world. I like the horse, want to take the obvious and safe path; and for 20 odd years of my life I continued to follow them.
When I was 11 years old my family got our first computer for Christmas. I remember getting up on Saturday mornings, before my family awoke and I would fire up this machine. The anticipation growing inside of me, until finally the home screen shone bright and i opened up my word document. Before I even knew how to type I began hunting down the letters and pounded out my first attempt at a novel. The story of course was a love story. My main character's name--Realene, who went by Rea. I couldn't tell you much more about this wonderful story. What I do remember is the feeling this story brought me every time I opened it up. As a young child I had no fear holding me back from following my dreams. I wanted to be a writer and the first woman on Mars. When did I become the one who chose the safe path?
Years later found me at the "Women of Faith" Conference. I was 24, broken and desiring nothing more than to be Free. I remember crying out to the Lord to deliverer me from the sin I had committed over the past few years, to heal me and to bring freedom to my heart. I had spent so much time just wondering around without truly seeking guidance, grasping at the path I thought looked like the right one. I sat in the midst of 1000's of women but I felt alone and desperate. One of the speakers was sharing her story and her journey with the Lord and then she said something that started my journey of healing. She said, "It is not what you have done that defines you but WHOSE you are that defines you." Tears fell down my face and I cried out to God for freedom and healing to believe those words. On the last day of the conference, during worship, I remember sitting down and I hearing the Lord speak clearly these words, "That will be you some day. You have a story to tell and I want you to tell it."
I spent several days and weeks meditating on what exactly God meant by those words. I landed on this, that what He was saying was, like the ladies on the "Women of Faith" tour, I too would share my story with other women and help bring healing and freedom to the brokenness of the this world. God showed me how He desired to redeem my past, and how He intends to use my mistakes, my brokenness and finally my ultimate healing to do the same thing for other women. God brought back the old dream of a 11 year old girl sitting at her family's computer of one day being an author; of having other people read my words and feel inspiration.
Fast forward 5 years, and you find me at another women's conference wondering about dreams, about promises and purpose. And I hear these words, "God does not put an expiration date on His promises." And those words God spoke so many years before came flooding back. I realized for the good part of the last few years I spent in fear and believing that God had forgotten about me and my dreams. I believed that I could not be a speaker because I had nothing to speak about and no one who wanted to hear my words. I believed I could not write because so many of the people surrounding me had far more talent than I could ever dream to possess. I spent 4 years writing my story down and only have 10 pages to show for it. I barely remembered those words and I believed God didn't remember them either. But, I was so wrong.
About 4 months ago, a great friend sent me an idea to embark on a crazy journey. She didn't know that a simple email on her part would help bring my passions closer to igniting my purpose. November 1st, 2012, I started writing a fiction novel, with the goal that on November 30th I would have at least 50,000 words written. I spent a glorious month pounding out 1000's of words a day, bringing new characters to life, crying with them, laughing with them and cheering them on. I spent one month living my dream. I realized something very important in November and it has nothing to do with grammar, syntax, sentence structure or character development. I realized that living a life doing what you were created to do brings the greatest joy ever imaginable. It didn't matter that everyday I still woke up working at a retail place, a place that only a month ago made me angry to even look upon my red and khaki clothing. It didn't matter because I knew that in 8 short hours I would be once again sitting at my computer, with fingers flying, music blaring in my ears, doing what God created me to do and be.
So maybe writing is nothing more than a guided dream but may its more. Maybe its also about living in that guided dream.
