Sunday at church our pastor gave us a challenge--for the next 30 days spend 30 minutes a day with Jesus. Through these 30 days we will learn discipline and among that we will find delight. I am taking this challenge and I am ready to see the Lord work in wonderful and amazing ways. I have also taken this challenge to a new level. I dream to be a writer, that's all I have ever truly wanted to be but in order to call myself a writer I must be devoted to writing, everyday. So, for the next 30 days I am also going to challenge myself to write 30 minutes everyday. WELCOME TO DAY ONE!
For the next 28 minutes I am going to write...whatever is on my mind. The outcome--who knows. The quality--who knows. I have learned that until I am disciplined I should focus on just getting words on the page. That with words and sentences and paragraphs you can edit, and reform and reword. But if the page is blank there's nothing. Whats the point of saying, I am a really great writer if you have nothing to show for it?
Its hard to write without a vision, without a thought to go on, why is that? I guess I have never been that good at the free for writing. Until I have vision for what I should write I am stuck either writing about how I don't know what I should write or running on and on about well...nothing. I know it should not be about what will be profound and what others will want to read but man...any writer will honestly say that they desire to have their words read and if that never happens then are they any good?
I struggle with comparison which I know are lies from the enemy that entrap us and create skewed images of reality. This past weekend at the create conference, during the opening worship session we were all given a blank sheet of paper and a crayon. The vision behind the crayon was as children we draw uninhibited by the world. We don't care if no one understands or sees what we see, we draw out of delight. The instructions were to draw a line down the middle and on the top portion draw our weaknesses, the way we view ourselves. My picture came out with a drawing of a small girl on one side who has a paper with an F, a book that is blank and words around her are nothing, nobody. Beside the small girl is a tall beautiful girl who has an A paper, a best seller and has a crown on her head. She is everything the small girl is not. For most of my life and even some days now I see myself as the small girl. That I am nothing, I am no body, and no matter how hard I try I will never be able to amount to even a fraction of what the other girl can. So the thought, "Why even bother?" floats around in my head and pretty soon that thought becomes "truth" and I soon believe that I should not even bother.
On the bottom part of the paper we were to draw the truth of God in our lives. Here I drew God breaking threw the chain of darkness and brokenness and on the other side, I am in His arms, there is light and growth and love. After drawing the truth of God we folded the paper in half, lifted our hands up and placed the paper so when we looked through our hands we saw the truth of God and the truth of God held our weaknesses. What I noticed was when I look at the truth of God I counldn't evenn see the lies that I believed. His Truth covers all lies!
I prayed that the Lord would help me to not let others talents, gifts and dreams keep me from following my own dreams and using my own gifts. Throughout the rest of the day those words were said in several different ways. Jesus wanted me to hear His truth, and He wanted me to really get it.
I desire to write a book, to share my story and I hope that I will hold on to His truth, that no matter how many people around me desire to do the same thing, it does not negate what The Lord has called me to do. Several years ago I said that the reason why I wanted to write was to share my story with other women and if one woman's life was touched it was worth it. That is still my desire...To help transform lives of the women around me and if even one woman's life is changed because of the words that Lord has spoken through me then well...I have accomplished what I set out to do in the first place.
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