the story continues

Here is the next "installment" of my story...enjoy!

My story isn’t worth reading because I am simply the most fabulous writer.  The truth is I’m not and my story may very well not be worth reading but I want to share it so I can share something even more than my simple words.  I want to share the story of a friend of mine and how He shaped my heart and brought me through me journey--His name is Jesus.  I have spent many nights crying on His shoulder, asking Him to ease my pain.  Through the years I have made mistakes and walked away from Him.  Every time I know He cried as He watched me turn the corner and every time He dried my tears when I came running back to Him.  He is the one who pressed on my heart, He showed me that my hurts, my scars were there for me to use.  That every pain wasn’t experienced in vain, but He would use them for His glory.  I just didn’t know what that meant at the time.  I simply held on to the hope that maybe the mistakes I made would bring good. 

The events of that night would be just as meaningless as the night of Alex’s birthday had I not gotten a text from Shawn the next day that made me smile and feel as if I truly was someone special.  I cannot recall the exact words of the text, but I can for some reason remember exactly where I was, how I was sitting, that it was sunny outside and that I was not expecting to hear from him.  My phone rang letting me know that I had a text and on the screen there was Shawn’s name.  Any girl who has gotten that call or email or text message or letter or some form of communication from the guy she really likes knows exactly how I felt in that moment.  In the moments right after that text and even days after, my heart was full, I had a smile on my face that would not go away and butterflies that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in my stomach.   

The next month and half is a blur of happy memories.  I remember never feeling as cared for and loved as I did when I was with Shawn.  Our first kiss was one of well…to be completely cliché, of magic.  Like most magic tricks, I can’t tell you the details, can’t reveal how it happened.  I honestly cannot remember what was going on in my head the moment before, what we were talking about, or what we had been doing.  I am fairly certain we were sitting on the couch in my living room and Shawn had biked over that night to see me.  I remember times of sitting on his front porch, I remember taking walks with him.  I remember Shawn’s strength, the way he ran on his toes, the way he climbed a ladder and I remember his eyes.  Those eyes that were not green and not brown but somehow both.  A circle of green that flowed into a circle of brown.  Those eyes who pierced my heart from the first moment of our journey.  Those eyes who held me captive.  Two weeks into our relationship we shared those three words with one another.  I always laughed at those movies where two people meet in the beginning of the movie and a few days later say, “I love you!”  but in that moment of my life…I knew what it was to fall in love so quickly. 

I know there are skeptics out there--people who believe that Love takes time, it must “slow roast” so to speak.  But there are times that Love is thrown into a “pressure cooker” and what does blossom is true.  Some would say its infatuation not love that forms, but what I have become a firm believer on is no one can judge another’s heart.  What may be true for one is not true for another.  Some create a huge mess when using a pressure cooker while others end up burning whatever they are slow roasting.  You can control your heart, you do have power over emotions, you do have say in what it does and says but I have come to the conclusion that I would much rather not have control in my hands but someone has to fly the plane.  During the time of Shawn my heart wasn’t being piloted at all.  It was out of control and in the beginning it was thrilling but logic shows that eventually it has to crash.